I doubt whether you're a coward, Alexander ! As I said to you before your break -- "you know what to do!" -- that's what your brother is saying, you can't help your gentle nature, which of course people will try to turn into a weakness [which it's not] but you've gotta get out ! I would recommend you start running -- this does wonders for moral, depression and confidence -- start stretching then running a bit and a bit more, do it daily!